Ethan's Story, Part VI

Ethan, Scott, and I were taken to our postpartum suite area. It was a room with two beds and one bathroom, and yes, I had a roommate, ugh. Scott left the hospital to go home and rest close to 3:30am. There was NOWHERE for him to sleep in the PP room anyway.

All night, I just stared at Ethan. I could not believe that he was here! He never cried and he slept the entire night. He never ate. He would make these suckling motions and noises, but the nurse kept telling me that when he was hungry, he would cry. I never slept, I just stared and loved on my little boy.

Later that morning (7am), the pediatrician made rounds. She came back into my "room" and said that she "had concerns". I was alone. I was sleep deprived. I was a postpartum mother. I was a NEW mother. I was about to hear the words that forever changed our lives.

"Your baby shows markers for Down syndrome"

WHAT?!?!?!!? My ob never said anything! I took the AFP, it was negative! You're wrong, I thought. She showed me Ethan's palms and how he had the simian crease in both hands. She mentioned that his eyes appeared to look like a child with Down syndrome.

From that moment on, I just stared at Ethan. I DID NOT SEE IT.

Scott came right at the beginning of visiting hours. I broke the news to him. I think that he kept the emotions he was feeling to himself. Such is a man. We held on to some hope that they were wrong. It was all just one big coincidence.

As the day went on, we had visitors from family and friends. When my mom and sister, Kim, came by, they asked if I had nursed Ethan yet. No. They helped me at least try. Ethan would not latch on. For the first time in a LONG time, I felt bonded with my sister. She was helping me be a Mother. I will forever cherish that moment. I informed them of the doctors concerns and they didn't see it either.

Around 4:30pm, the nurses said that they needed to take Ethan to the nursery for assessment. They said that they would bring him right back. During this time, Scott's mom came with dinner. We enjoyed the meal until I told Scott that Ethan had been gone too long and to go check on him.

The next thing I know, a nurse comes in with another gown for me and says that I need to come to the nursery.

When I walk into the nursery, I see my baby boy laying underneath a warming lamp and oxygen hood. His blood sugar was down from not eating so he was given some sugar water. His oxygen saturation was not staying up, so they put him under the oxygen hood. He was presenting signs of infection (I was Group Beta Strep positive with only one dose of the antibiotic since my delivery went so quickly and because that was given at 6 cm, chances are it wasn't even in my system long enough to protect Ethan even a little), and the doctor thought that she heard a heart murmur.

The doctor called Valley Children's Hospital in Madera/Fresno to see if they wanted Ethan transported. As soon as they were given all of the signs/symptoms, VCH sent an ambulance to transport Ethan to VCH- an hour away. He wasn't even 24 hours old yet.

Waiting for the ambulance to come, I cried. I shook. I was so scared. What did I do? I took care of myself while pregnant? What could I have done differently?

***To Be Continued...***