The Search for Significance

I am going to plagiarize Rebecca W. Johnston, who plagiarized and paraphrased from Robert S. McGee for the benefit of our local M.O.M.S. group that meets on Thursday mornings.  I have actually been thinking about how to write about this topic since leaving church on Thursday.  It is probably simply for my benefit, but if you can make it through, you will probably not be sorry.

The three purposes of the study are:

1. Identify and understand the nature of man's search for significance
2. Recognize and challenge inadequate answers
3. Apply God's solutions to your search for significance

From life's outset, we find ourselves on the prowl, searching to satisfy some inner, unexplained yearning.  Our hunger causes us to search for people who will love us.  Our desire for acceptance pressures us to perform to gain praise from others.  We strive for success, driving our minds and bodies harder and further, hoping that because of our sweat and sacrifice others will appreciate us more.  ...  Despite our efforts, we will never find lasting and fulfilling peace if we must continually prove ourselves to others.

Unfortunately, many of us have been exposed to inadequate teaching from both religious and secular sources concerning our self-worth.

Whether labeled self-esteem or self-worth, the feeling of significance is crucial to man's emotional, spiritual, and social stability and is the driving element within the human spirit.

People want to know and be known, love and be loved, celebrate and be celebrated, serve and be served.

Since the Fall, man has often failed to turn to God for the truth about himself.  Instead, he hs looked to others to meet his enescapable need for self-worth.  I am what others say I am...  I will find value in their opinions of me.  Isn't it amazing that we turn to others who have a perspective as limited and darkened as our own to discover our worth!  Rather than relying on God's steady, uplifting reassurance of who we are, we depend on others who base our worth on our ability to meet their standards.  ...  Our true value is based not on our behavior or the approval of others but on what God's word says is true about us.

Self-worth =  Performance + other's opinions  (Satan's Lie!)

Self-worth =  God's TRUTH about you!

Understand that our worth has freely and conclusively been given to us by God.  Failure and/or the disapproval of others cannot take that away!

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I think that the majority of people have some sort of "baggage" from childhood.  Some baggage may seem insignificant to others and some may seem more obvious.  This last week's topic really got me thinking about how far back my search for significance goes.  And, it goes back to my childhood.  Let me disclaim that I know that my parents love me and I love them more than I can tell them, but I know my search for significance runs deep.  I think I will try to bullet a summary otherwise we would be here all day and I know that Linda doesn't like that. ;)

• My older sister, Kim, was always the "pretty" one.  She was the small town kids pageant runner-up.  Me?  I was anti-social on stage- or so they tell me.  {I did have a very pretty dress though} 
• Mine and Kim's biological father was killed when Kim was 8, I was 3.  My dad, Jeff, came into our lives when I was 4.  He has raised me ever since.  Kim remembered our father, whereas I have maybe three memories and I don't even know if those are real.  I called Jeff "Daddy" one night before bed and Kim grabbed my arm and proceeded to tell me that I was NOT to call him Daddy because he was NOT our Daddy.  I have called Jeff, Jeff ever since.  Kim had the "Daddy's Girl" experience, I did not.
• I used to be told that I had fat legs by a close family member.  I am not sure if that was to try and encourage me to go ride my bike or what, but it stuck with me forever.  What I would give to have those "fat" legs again!
• My mom used to tell me that I didn't have any true friends as a child, that they were using me or that I always had to go to them.  I think this is one of the most significant for me today.  I am very loyal to my friends, but my challenge is to reach out to others now within church or beyond.  I want, even need, for new friends to come to me.  I need to feel wanted.  I need to feel like my friendship is wanted on the other side and that I am important enough to seek out friendship with.  I don't ever want to be that child again following like a puppy who just wants to play. 

So, we have insecurity from looks, love, and acceptance.  My love language is Words of Affirmation because I need to be given a compliment in order to feel loved and pretty. I had a friend ask me once if I loved myself because they noticed that I put myself down a lot. I do it without even knowing it, but I think it started when I was younger in order to hear a compliment in return. I know that I am a good person, I know that I am a good friend, I know that I am a good Mother, and I know that God loves me, but those some of my "demons". I will work on concentrating more on God's promises for me, versus my search for significance with others.