I will disclaim that this post will talk about bodily function, so if that grosses you out- put on your big girl panties or big boy chonies and suck it up...this is an important topic...for me anyway.
I know that I have written about playdates before. My previous posts may have seemed to be more of a pity party, and maybe they were, but this is not a pity party post. I'm actually quite upset about this. I am upset for my friend and I am upset for her child. Let me essplain...no, I'll sum up.
Friend {Betty} and child with Down syndrome {Jay} go to supposed Friend's house for playdate. Betty's friend's daughter does not have Ds. Jay is not potty trained. Jay has a poop accident and a piece of Friend's furniture is hit. Friend proceeds to gross out and practically cry, all while making Betty feel like her child is gross. Betty apologizes profusely. Instead of giving Betty a towel to lay Jay on to change his diaper and clothes, Friend provided a plastic bag.
Ok, first off, the plastic bag thing is offensive to me. To give your friend a plastic bag to lay her child on?!!? Really? Second, whether you have a child with special needs or not, did your kid NEVER have an accident? Are you psychic and know when your kid is going to have a poop that overflows the diaper? Do you walk around with a barf bucket for that chance that your kids might projectile vomit? Are you always there at that exact moment your kid sneezes and shoots snot across the room? No? I didn't think so. Are these things gross? Sure. Is the child gross because those things happen? NO! Is the parent irresponsible because they didn't know those things would happen? NO! Listen Friend, this is part of having kids. If you can't handle bodily function from other kids, then do not invite them over for playdates and proceed to make your guests feel awful. And, by the way Friend...Jay is not stupid. You think that he didn't understand your insinuations that he is gross?!?! Shame on you. And one more thing, Friend... Betty will not be coming over anymore- you have insulted her and Jay for the last time.
Phew, ok. Now this leads into something that I struggle with. I am proud of Betty for having a playdate outside of the special needs circle! That's awesome and I think it is something that we all want for our angels. But, when things like this happen, do we retreat back into a comfort zone of only being around playdates where someone "gets it"? Then, for those of us with kids with complex needs- even beyond the typical child with Ds, what do we do?
Ideas? Suggestions?
Saturday, January 09, 2010
Playdates...Typical or No?
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I don't know "Betty" or "Jay"... But Kristen and Ethan can come have a play date at my house with my kids any time any day regardless of bodily functions! We love having you over!
ReplyDeleteLila over-flowed her diaper with poop twice today. Dang antibiotics. Now you're making me feel bad because we do lay a plastic bag underneath her, though it never actually touches her skin. It's just to protect the furniture. Hmmm....
ReplyDeleteSeriously, though, that is ridiculous. I've had typical kids and kids with DS have accidents on my floor. It's just a floor. Or in this case, a piece of furniture. Priorities might need to be changed up a bit, ya think?
Betty is better off without that "friend", in my opinion. It stinks, though, because she probably felt totally humiliated, for herself and her son, and that should not have happened.
And yes, this is an example of why we tend to stay in our "safe zone."
Well, at Angela's age, we don't do many "play dates" anymore. The only time she gets together with typical kids outside of school is when we're doing stuff with the cousins. They are the same age as her, and they "get" her. It's kind of fun, because now they're getting older they're starting to see some of the humor in the things Angela does instead of getting irritated by it. And when they skype with her, they ask her about stuff they know she likes, like striped shirts, and "who" she's playing with today. (because the "who" is usually invisible! LOL) I think the play with typical kids stopped around 8 or 9 years old. There was just too big of a difference, and the other parents tended to look at her either with a look of contempt, or they treated her like she was 4. The parents of kids with similar issues to Angela...anything goes! If she does something most people would think odd, they laugh, and tell me about the weird thing THEIR kid does. Angela can just be herself, and I can let my guard down.
ReplyDeleteWow, so sorry about your friend's "crappy" playdate! Pun intended! I would be so embarrassed if my kids had an accident on someone else furniture and it would just suck to be made to feel even worse about it. Sean isn't 100% in control of his BMs yet, and we honestly do live in fear of him having an accident at someone else's house. We never know if he's going to use the potty or his pants and don't want to undermine him by making him wear pull ups. We keep a bag with spare undies and pants in the car and just try to keep an eye on him while we are out.
ReplyDeleteIf faced with that negative reaction and attitude, I don't think I'd be going there for a looong time. If she has kids, I am sure at some point one of her kids has had an accident too!
Callum has only ever been on typical play dates. We meet up with other families who have children with DS at our support group events but apart from that it's typical kids from school. He's been to about 6 kids houses without me and has had accidents at at least 3 of them! He is quite capable of going for a wee in the toilet by himself but poohs can be a bit hit and miss (mostly miss!) I always warn the parents before hand and they've always dealt with it sensibly, and it hasn't put them off inviting him again. Anyone with kids should just deal with it, after all they've gone through at least 2 or 3 years of their own child's bodily functions.
ReplyDeleteThat "friend" should be ashamed of herself.
LOL! You crack me up and Linda cracks me up even more. So, I don't think the plastic bag thing is a big deal. Poop can't soak through a plastic bag, but it can a towel. And a plastic bag can be thrown away when the clean up is done. Hell, I would not even put my own kid on one of my towels after they've had a blow out! LOL! Same reason that when my grandmother suggests that I use a washcloth to wipe a poopy butt, and then throw it in the washer like she used to do ---> NO WAY!! If I did use a washcloth, it would go in the garbage!
ReplyDeleteAnd yup, my daughter is one of those kids that had an accident at Linda's house. LOL! She had taken herself to the bathroom without any of us knowing (impressive in another person's house) and even shut the door. But she couldn't get her pants down in time and she peed. Poor little thing ... I was so proud of her for taking herself in a somewhat strange place, but she didn't make it in time. Linda got out her big ass rubber gloves and even cleaned it up for me as I dealt with Payton. Do I get offended that she used rubber gloves? Naw ... it is another person's bodily fluids she is dealing with. No worries.
The real problem here is how this "friend" made Betty feel. That is not acceptable and it sounds like she has issues of her own! I'm sorry Betty had to experience this ... that sucks.
That chick probably had a nanny taking care of her kids before they were potty trained. Otherwise none of us would be able to explain her snooty attitude towards a little poop! Oh come on right... it's just poop for goodness sakes. That lady needs to suck it up!!! I can't begin to tell you how many times my kids have had accidents in public, and at home. I ended up ripping out all of my carpet, and replacing it with wood floors. So much easier to clean up, and beautiful too!! I will invite any of your kids to my house, and if they have an accident, bring it on... I'll just whip out a baby wipe, and mop it up!! And no... I would never offer a friend a plastic bag to clean their kid on.... its a guest for goodness sakes... towel all the way... and go change them on my bed! Its just a little poop... it washes off stuff!!
ReplyDeletei think that uptight mom needs that classic bumper sticker SH** Happens. it just does. no big deal. it just does. (this is my mantra with one potty training and one in diapers)
ReplyDelete