Still Grieving?

I spoke with a counselor yesterday because, well, I think it's a healthy thing to do. I didn't know where to begin, but with the help of one simple question, this babbling brook had no problems! I always tell myself that I am not going to cry yeah right. Yeah, I cried. From getting the possible Down syndrome diagnosis while alone to being alone when he was about to be diagnosed with leukemia, the counselor thinks that I am still in a grieving process. I don't really think about it like that, but I suppose he's right.

The older Ethan gets, the harder it is. I have written about feeling isolated before and I meant it. It was not some crazy emotional post, it is real. We have other friends in the Ds community who have faced the dual dx of Ds and Autism and I think that we could all agree that the Ds is the easy part! I would NOT take away Ethan having Down syndrome. I would, however, take away the PDD-NOS. The lack of communication and frustrations is enough to drive me crazy some days. Some would think that Ethan being an only child would make things easier, but it doesn't. If anything, it makes things worse because I am constantly reminded of these challenges one on one. There goes that babbling brook again!

Anywho, do we ever stop grieving the loss of the child that never came to be? I know that we move on and we love wholeheartedly, but do we ever stop grieving deep down? That's my deep thought for the day- please ponder and let me know.