Brags & Ramblings

Yesterday's Vitalstim session went really well! Ethan even tolerated some oral motor exercises! Today, he was just feisty. He tried to rip off the tape and stickers numerous times, so we had to put on the arm restraints. :-( I hate that. Our sessions are done for the week and hopefully next week just gets better!

Surprisingly, Ethan took 8-10 unassisted steps on Monday too!!! Yes, that's what I said. He was so happy doing it too. If I wasn't the one he is walking to, I would be taking some video. I will work on that. I am so proud of him! He has come so far this year.

I am feeling better but still icky if that makes any sense at all. I coughed so much the other day while visiting with Karen that she insisted on giving me an albuterol breathing treatment and sending it home with me. I will be using it again soon.

Karen and I went up to Olivia's gravesite on Monday. Karen had new flowers to place. It really is still so unreal that Olivia is gone. I look around Karen's house and just keep waiting for Olivia to come home. Even being at her gravesite, looking at her headstone and footstone, I am in denial that she is there. We buried her there. No, that was a bad dream. We really didn't bury this beautiful 8 year old princess, did we? See- denial. I told Karen that these emotions that I have are not ones that I can usually express to anyone. She asked me why not. The truth is that Olivia's passing took a major toll on me. I loved her instantly and I cared for her as if she were my own. Of course, my grief will never compare to Karen's, but it is still something that takes over me some days. People don't understand how I can have such a connection to a child that wasn't my own. I should be "over it" by now. Well, I am not over it and I don't know if I ever will be. I know that she is in a better place and I know that I will see her again, but the fact that she is gone is still so heartbreaking.