I have been in deep thought lately. It is not over one thing in particular, but a mishmash of things...mostly friends and church and how they pertain to Ethan.
This has been on my mind for a while, but it was right in my face a week ago at a small group gathering. We were surrounded by friends and their children in a beautiful home and backyard. Laughter and good food. Friendships growing together. Children playing together. And, Ethan was alone.
My baby was alone. Did he care? Not likely. But, I cared. And, it broke my heart.
So, I started evaluating my own "friendships". Are they really considered friends or just acquaintances? Do these people call just to chat? Do they want to get together for coffee? Do they want their kids to play with Ethan? Is this a search for significance? Maybe. I don't know.
I just know that the older that Ethan gets, the harder this gets. It gets harder to watch everyone else grow up and have friendships while Ethan is alone. No playdates, no birthday parties, no siblings- alone.
I have reached out to people, trust me. I'm tired of it, honestly. Life is life and it is what it is. That doesn't mean that it isn't hard some days.
The love I have for my son bursts from my soul. It is also why I get so crazy emotional when it comes to him and my hopes and dreams for him.
Anywho, too much to say, too many thoughts to get it all out. Maybe I will try again another day.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Deep Thoughts
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K, I am sorry things are so tough...I can tell you that from my experience, the calls for playdates aren't there for Kallie. Kids call to play with Brittany, parents call to do things(because of their childs relationship with Brittany), no one really includes Kallie because they want to, but more so because I make them. If they want to play with Brittany, they need to include her sister. I don't know how it would be if she didn't have a sibling. All the relationships that she has, although I think they aren't really relationships but more so, the parents wanting to get together, thus the parents are together, so therefore the children are together. The kids that play with Kallie, to be completely honest, the ones that include her the most without prejudice, are the toddlers. No kids her age, WANT to play with her. She's not where they are. Sigh..wish I had some great thing to say, but thought I would let you know how things are going for us.
ReplyDeleteI am trying to psych myself up for this day.... I know it will be tough... I wish i had some advice for you, but i dont..I do know that who ever doesnt want to be Ethans true friend is missing out on a lifetime of something so amazing:)
ReplyDelete((((HUGS))))
ReplyDeleteI can really relate to this post - unfortunately. :(
ReplyDelete{{Hugs}}
ReplyDeleteYour post makes me sad...but I wanted you to know you aren't alone. You reached out to me when I was scared, alone and afraid. Ethan has inspired me and given me so much hope...a gift I will never forget. Although I can't be with you each dady due to the miles that seperate us...I want you to know that out there in this world are people you have touched, and inspired and given strength to. Ethan is a remarkable boy..and I'll share with you an item on my 'bucket list'....it is to give that sweet boy a hug and kiss in person. So, hoping this note eases the pain of the day to day sadness we sometimes feel due to our childrens circumstances.
ReplyDeleteAnd, just wanted you to know that I would LOVE to have coffee with you my friend.
Kris,
ReplyDeleteYou are a wonderful woman and an even better mom. Just know that the friends you do have, and you know who they are deep in your heart, love you so very much and love Ethan ever more because he is part of you. That little boy, just in the one time meeting him, filled me with so much love it was truley incredible. I can't imagine a world without people like you and your family in it...you give people hope. I love you always
Am
that happens far too often. even as adults it seems that many ppl w/ disabilites find their best friends in those paid to be with them. sad, but maybe not as heartbreaking for them as for those who truely love them. ethan is lucky to have a family who cares so much for him and will always lovw him.
ReplyDeletejoyful
Yes, SERIOUSLY!
ReplyDeleteI think he says all that stuff about kids with Ds because he is trying to talk hubby out of the adoption. He just doesn't get it...we will not be talked out of it, and will NOT be giving up!
Hey my dear,
ReplyDeleteIf we were not 3000 miles away we'd totally be having coffee all the time. Parties and BBQs too. Sorry we don't talk often but you, Scott and Ethan are always in my prayers.
Love you~Becky
Hugs! Your love for Ethan is so obvious in everything I have every seen you write. You are an awesome mother that wants her son to be happy and healthy. I get it! It is sad... it sucks... it's not fair! Most of all it is hard as a mother to put aside our own feelings and look at the situation from the outside. You said he was happy.. he didn't notice. Hopefully that won't change. I wish we lived near you... I have fallen in love with your little boy and I would scoop him up and have him hang out with my gaggle of girls! Of course his wonderful mom could come too! I wish it was different. I'm sorry you hurt. I hope it changes. Love to both of you!!
ReplyDeleteps... do your local ds organization have afterschool programs or activities he could go to?
Hello My Friend!
ReplyDeleteI believe this is the first time I have ever responded to your blog (or any blog for that matter). Frankly, I just don't seem to have the time. However, today is different! After reading your blog from yesterday, I love you, care deeply for you, and feel compelled to respond.
I can't say that I "understand" how you feel, because I really don't. One thing I do know is that no one can deny you your feelings. Whether you feel sad, mad, hurt...you have the right to "feel". We all do! We also have the power to control our lives!
My question for you, is this. Why are you letting the thoughts, actions, or lack of action on the part of "others" control your life? YOU are in control my friend!!! You are in control of your life and your precious sons. There are many things in life we do not have control of, BUT, we have control as to how we respond. Ethan will NEVER be alone! First of all, he has YOU and Scott! You are his biggest fans, his cheerleaders, his advocates, his everything! And he knows this!
All we have is TODAY! Don't worry about what the future "might" be. Live in the moment and enjoy your life! If you worry, it means you don't have faith, and I KNOW you do!
When my little guy was just 2 or 3 and living with epilepsy, someone said to me, "Do you think he will ever get his license and drive a car?" Are you kidding me! Did they really think that was on my mind? I was thinking about him having a fun day on his tricyle or playing with toys. I'll think about driving in about 15 years...thank you very much!! I was also told by someone that he will have a good life but, "may not be a pilot". Really, amazing how people have the ability to predict the future!
Stand up tall my friend!!! Give yourself a huge hug, reach around and pat yourself on the back!!! Say out loud, "I am a PROUD Mom of a little boy with Down Syndrome!!!" All of your friends, family, and fans tell you what an awesome Mom and friend you are. Now, it is time for YOU to start believing it and LOVE yourself FIRST!!!
"This is the true joy in life:
Being used for a purpose recognized by YOURSELF as a mighty one!" George Bernard Shaw
Ethan is your purpose!
I Love You my Friend!!!
C
Kris,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're feeling this way. I can relate...even with Brian. He's 19 and you know the deal with him; in therapy, on medication, no friends, etc. It is hard which is why all we can do is what we think is best for their particular situation...which, as you know, is what's leading us closer to you. I wish our new house was less than two hours away from you but I'm up for playdates and getting together as much as we can. Perhaps Timmy can play with Ethan. There's not much of an age difference and Timmy isn't a typical 9 year old so it may work. You'll soon have more friends in NC so you're definitely not alone!!! Our house is open to you, Scott, and Ethan anytime. I truly mean that!!! :)
Maureen
((HUGS)) you've had some really great replies. I don't have anything else to add, but it certainly shines right through the computer screen the love you have for your adorable little man :D
ReplyDelete:( I know this has been a continual process for you, and will be for me as the girls get older. I love you guys - doesn't that count? LOL
ReplyDeleteI just found you from your comment on me... funny thing!!! So after reading your post here, I had to send you a link to a day so SIMILAR to your it's NOT funny!!! Mom's are mom's no matter what...
ReplyDeletehttp://lifetothet.com/556/at-least-for-today-re-post